Let’s break it down into six key areas:

1. Target Behaviors: Know What You’re Addressing

The first step in handling tantrums is clearly identifying what behavior you’re working on. This might sound simple, but being specific helps you stay consistent and helps your child understand expectations.

Think of it this way:

1. What does the tantrum look like?
2. Which parts of the behavior are most important to address?

Examples:

1. Crying loudly
2. Screaming or yelling
3. Throwing objects
4. Hitting or kicking

Being clear about the behaviors you want to change sets the stage for success.

2. Replacement Behaviors: Teach a Better Way

Rather than just saying “don’t scream,” ABA focuses on what your child can do instead, using structured, evidence-based teaching methods. That’s where replacement behaviors come in.
These are socially appropriate ways for your child to communicate their needs or feelings. Teaching and reinforcing these skills can reduce the need for tantrums over time.

Examples:

1. Saying “help please” instead of crying
2. Asking for a break instead of running off
3. Saying “I’m frustrated” instead of hitting

The goal is to give your child tools they can use—even in stressful situations.

3. Antecedent Modifications: Set the Stage for Success

Sometimes tantrums happen because of environmental triggers—unexpected changes, too much noise, or unclear expectations. Antecedent strategies help reduce the chances of a tantrum by making the environment more predictable and supportive.

Examples:

1. Have a list or pictures of the things you’re going to buy to share with your child.
2. Use visual timers for transitions (“5 more minutes at the park”).
3. Remove unnecessary distractions in busy settings.
4. Give a heads-up before changes in routine (“First we shop, then playground”).

Making small changes before a behavior happens can make a big difference.

4. Reinforcement Strategies: Catch the Calm Moments

When your child handles a tough moment well—notice it. Reinforcing positive behavior teaches your child that calm, appropriate responses are worth it.

Examples:

1. Offer a token or sticker for staying calm during a transition.
2. Give praise: “I saw how you took a deep breath—great job!”.
3. Let them choose a small reward after an outing where they stayed with you.

Remember: reinforcement works best when it’s specific, immediate, and meaningful to your child.

5. Extinction: Don’t Reward the Tantrum

Sometimes tantrums continue because they’re unintentionally being reinforced—like when a child cries and ends up getting what they want. In ABA, extinction means you stop reinforcing the behavior you’re trying to reduce.
It doesn’t mean ignoring your child—it means not giving the behavior the response it used to get.

How it looks in practice:

1. If your child cries to get a snack, and you usually give in, try calmly saying, “Not right now,” and stick to it
2. Keep your tone and facial expression neutral—less talking, less eye contact, less emotional reaction
3. Be ready for the behavior to get worse before it gets better (this is called an extinction burst)
4. Always pair extinction with reinforcement for appropriate behavior

🚨 Safety note: If the behavior is dangerous—like hitting, running into traffic, or self-harm—talk to your ABA team first. Extinction isn’t appropriate for every situation.

6. Coping Skill Development: Build Emotional Tools

Tantrums often happen because children haven’t yet learned how to manage big feelings. Teaching simple, age-appropriate coping strategies can help your child regulate emotions more effectively over time.

How it looks in practice:

1. Practice deep breathing (“Smell the flower, blow out the candle”).
2. Use calming tools like fidget toys or noise-reducing headphones.
3. Create a short calming routine they can do anywhere (e.g. count to ten, hug a stuffed animal).

The more your child practices these tools in calm moments, the more likely they’ll use them when emotions run high.

Putting It All Together

Let’s say you’re leaving the park and your child begins to cry and yell. Here’s how these strategies could play out:

1. You gave a 5-minute warning (antecedent modification).
2. When your child cries, you prompt them to say “1 more minute?” (replacement behavior).
3. They use the phrase, and you say, “Great asking! One more minute, then we go.” (reinforcement).
4. When it’s time to leave, they start to cry again. You stay calm, avoid giving in (extinction), and offer a deep breath reminder (coping skill).
5. Once they’re calm, you offer praise: “Thank you for leaving with me. That was hard, and you did it.” (more reinforcement).

These moments aren’t always easy—but with practice, they get better.