By: Cristina Martínez
M.B.A, M.S, BCBA, LBA
Coauthor: Ariadna Martin,
MS
Father’s Day
This June, in celebration of Father’s Day, we have been motivated to reflect on the experience of fathering for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder. This is not a topic on which much information is available, however, some autistic parents have shared their experiences on various platforms, which, at first glance and once again, support the certainty that each individual is unique ... so that their perception of the parental role is also unique.
For many, by their own telling, the news of becoming parents has been met with fear and excitement at the same time. The uncertainty of whether the diagnosis of autism would interfere with the possibility of being good parents has coexisted with the excitement of experiencing new emotions associated with a parent's love for a child.
Parenting with autism has come with challenges for some of the fathers who share their stories, regarding to:
- Social Expectations: Navigating social norms and expectations at school events, playdates, and other social settings.
- Executive Functioning: Organizing schedules, managing household chores, and coordinating activities.
- Communication: Communicating effectively with teachers, other parents or professionals.
However, for absolutely all the narratives, the affection and dedication to the education and welfare of their children has been a pattern of behavior, while routing their strengths towards the achievement of a functional and responsible parental relationship:
- Routine and Structure: Many autistic individuals excel at creating and maintaining routines, which can provide stability for children.
- Focused Interests: Sharing and cultivating deep interests and hobbies with children can lead to enriching experiences and strong bonds.
- Empathy and Understanding: Autistic parents may have a unique empathy and understanding for their children's struggles, especially if their children are also neurodivergent.
- Honesty and Directness: Clear and direct communication, often a trait in autistic individuals, can foster a transparent and trustful family environment.
- Support Systems: Support networks of understanding friends, family, and professionals can provide practical help and emotional support to kids.
- Educational Resources: Utilizing books, workshops, and online resources tailored to autistic parents, provide them with valuable strategies and insights, which makes them prepared to face the task of raising a child.
Some fathers on the spectrum were interviewed by Autism Speaks, and asked what message they would like to convey for Father’s Day... And there is no better way to end this blog by reproducing Phil Martin's words verbatimi, as they are valid for any parent on the planet:
“Don’t lose sight of the end goal. Your only job as a dad is provide the building blocks and teach the lessons of life that lead your child down a path to be a great human being. Water them with love and guidance. Allow them to make their own decisions and be their own person but remember that you also have to ensure that you’ve effectively given them the tools to understand the difference between right and wrong and most importantly love.”
iPhil Martin was diagnosed with Asperger’s, school phobia, and ADHD as a teenager. Today he currently works as an Emergency Dispatcher and photographer and serves as a fire department public affairs coordinator.
References:
Martin, P. (n.d): The joys and challenges of being a father with autism, Autism Speaks. https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/joys-and-challenges-being-father-autism
Jeff R. (n.d): In my own words: Father’s Day from the perspective of an autistic dad. https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/my-own-words-fathers-day-perspective-autistic-dad
Nick (2020): Being an Autism Dad: A Fathering Autism Story. https://www.sensoryfriendly.net/being-an-autism-dad-a-fathering-autism-story/
